Wow well you make the first steps to healing open wounds by expressing and talking about it openly in a group of people who also may have had gone through the same problems or something next to it. I also stayed in a relationship out of fear that it was best for the child but later on had to learn that I had to stop given that person so much power and I had to let it go. I understand its hard because of your child but you as a person have to just let it go and live for u know fear grows only when it has the a neasting place to root God is much strong and overcomes all fear and fear is nothing but part of the devils work tricking u to stay unhappy. Your rasing a great kid and she knows who's in her life that loves her and when ur in fear she well be too. Live free let the pass go and open ur heart to real love and a true relationship you body is just that your body if you can't have a man with give them you body first then they don't deserve you at all.

Teesa09~ I'm proud of you for seeing when enough was enough for you and that you have and issue here that you want to address and find a way to set a better example for your daughter..That brings such joy to me as your child is watching you and picking up everything you do like it or not..I to made some very hard mistakes and stayed in a 22 year marriage that was abusive and now I lost my children..The greatest gift God gave me I lost them...My heart and soul is so broken and trying to find a way to fix my life now without them is even harder..I wish I only did what you are doing ..Get out , find help and find a away because nothing is impossible if you want it..I have it now but, now my children are paying a price as well and they need to find a way also now to free there minds and souls..Abuse is horrible and does the most damage to ones little mind..Good luck to you and if you need someone to listen I'm here with an open heart without judgement..Blessings to you ..With love and light!!

I can really relate. I was married to an alcoholic abuser for almost 21 years. I was almost addicted to him. I was co-dependent and needed him for what was sick inside of me, or so I thought. I got away from him, but, when we divorced (I filed it reluctantly), I had a mini breakdown with months of insomnia & ended up in the hospital. I couldn't bring myself to let go and move on. Counseling did not work, until I understood a few things. I was grieving. I didn't want to let go, even though I divorced him. To everyone around me, it made no sense to them why I was sad, I had escaped with my life from a very unsafe situation. I was sad, and it was right to be sad, I had suffered a loss. Secondly, I had to look at him for who he really was, not the person I hoped he would be, but, I took a long look at his actions & IGNORED his words. Once I did that, I could see him clearly and let go. He didn't want what I wanted, a stable, loving, peaceful home, he wanted abuse, adultery, addiction, misery. I finally realized, he didn't want what I wanted and when it sunk in, I could tell him, while he begged me to stay, I could tell him goodbye.

Once you can grieve this and see clearly, you will be for your daughter the strong, healthy woman you want to be. You've taken the first step, like I did, almost without knowing how to go on. My daughter was 9 when we divorced and she told me later, that she understood I was really sad. She knew once I got over it, I would be better, because she said her dad was horrible to us. I didn't know why I was so sad, I thought I was the most ungrateful child that God had ever rescued; I found out I was so wrong.

I was broken, that's why I married him. He was a predator, he preyed upon me and manipulated me. I thought I couldn't live without him, that was a big fat lie. I wasn't living until I got free from him, I was just barely surviving.

Onedaymore~ I'm seeing you more and more each day and I'm liking you and what you have to share..You just bring the brightest smile to my face as your story is like a carbon copy I feel to mine..Well, not so but, what you share is just what I feel and all I want to say as well...Thanks so much for bringing the light to others and sharing from your heart your story..This is what recovery is about and making a difference...Grief is a process and once we understand why we are grieving then we can finally let go and let God and live the life we are intended to live..God bless you for the peace you found and I pray though your sharing it will bring light to many..

I went back and dated a man after my divorce of 7 years to a man that was a master in his abuse and I caught on really fast..I ended up not happy really quick and others saw it in me and I did not ..We need to trust the ones we love and most of all we need to trust ourselves and I did not ..

Onedaymore~Healing is a process and we all take it at our own pace..Life is hard sometimes and we all need someone that understands..Finding that someone is hard sometimes..I know that all to well..The abuser knows his game and he is a master..The key is we need to trust ourselves and know we are a Master as well..We are survivors and we know what is right we just let them tell us different and that needs to come to an end..You mentioned the RED FLAGS..That is it..Those mean STOP..Not go..I had that backwards for many years..(lol)..I just think I wanted the love and acceptance at any cost and the cost was ME...Not anymore..I have learned different and doing different...I don't care who you are if you treat me bad I'm walking..I have done so as my life and my peace mean way to much to me..You see if I start to get sick how good is my life..If I'm around sick people my PTSD flairs up and I go down pretty fast..I have to safe guard myself and my home for the well being of me..If is crucial for my health..This is not easy at first and actually the loss has been really hard but, once you clean house you will feel the relief that comes along with it and wonder why you waited so long..

I will never give up home and I will never stop trying ..I love to love and I know one day I will have that someone just like me to share the rest of my life with..Some one who is kind and special and will not cause me harm..

Where every your journey brings you I having a feeling you know what you are doing as well and you will bring nothing but peace and happiness in for you and your son..Just remember you only can do the very best you can with each given day and the rest is up to God..None of us are perfect but, with a good heart you can never go wrong..Right?? Blessings to you today !!

Everyone comments and experiences that you have shared are greatly appreciated. I do believe in purpose and i know my life has one. It is really difficult to talk about such traumatic things that we have went through . I am on the road to healing cause I don't want to be broken in spirit

What you shared is courageous and obviously not uncommon.
I too have been in this same situation minus the sexual assaults on children from my then other half.
I think that like most addicts, we " broken woman" become dependent on our men / abusers. They become an intricate part of our life like food and water because without them we feel we cannot survive.
I'm in therapy now and have been for almost 2 years. I cannot my feelings have totally changed or that I feel 100% better, but I can say I do feel better and have some self worth now and know that although this man may always hold a huge place in my heart I would certainly never go back into any kind of relationship with him again.
My best to you hunny. Do whatever it takes to move ahead for you and your family ; you all deserve happiness.

Need4peace, Thank you, Thank you! I can so agree with and still learn from what you shared. I've had to cut out so many destructive relationships, because, I couldn't survive with those continuing in my life. I almost didn't survive the divorce, because I had such toxic family driving me further & further into despair. Thank you again for saying what you did. I haven't had people around who understand, other than a counselor, really, no friends who understood. I learned that when I got divorced, I had so lost myself, and not only my ex, but, so many others in my life were manipulating me & I needed to stop allowing it. I needed to not sacrifice myself, because, I couldn't function and be strong in my life & lead my children while the others were tearing me down. As a matter of survival, I chose to break free, it's been lonely & hard, but, it's been full of growth, peace, love, and yes, relief.

I am also seeing my children take care of each other. I see them watching out for the other one and truly showing (between fights) how they love each other & want to be together. Such joy to see they are getting the meaning of love & support for each other. I didn't have that growing up, I don't have that with my siblings now, they are still too broken. I am glad that my children have better. I have fought for them to have love and give love.

I do believe what you said, with a good heart, you can never go wrong. Sometimes this world, the system, people; really can attack you and try to bring harm to those who have a good heart. I have cried many a tear over this. But, I do believe, good, will ultimately prevail. I have lost many battles (especially in the corrupt courts), but, I believe I am winning the war!! Bless You Sis!

Onedaymore~OMG you just brought so much joy to me reading your post..YOU are winning and so am I..We might not we getting exactly what we want be we are getting the most important thing and that is PEACE..Peace will carry us and keep us healthy..It will give our children a chance and it will change our future and believe it or not the rest will follow..

I have to share with you that I have been in the battle with a boy friend that abused me and I had him removed from my house about 6 weeks ago..He lied in court about everything to make me look bad..He used me and took from me..Then he wanted money from me or he said he would take me back to court..My anxiety has been so high I can't sleep and I have been a mess..He has sent me so many sick note and I hate even going to get the mail or getting email..Lies after lies..I made offer after offer and nothing was good enough..Finally the other day I said to myself I was not winning and going to court was just going to play this out longer and hurt my health so, I settled..I offered more and this morning I got a email and he took it..I praised GOD!!! See I one..It is not about money or things to me it is about the most important thing to me and that is my health and honesty..God knows that and so do I...I had to do what is best for me as I was drowning and I know God will take care of me for that..The world has become so corrupt like you said and I had to find a way to help me ..

I'm so happy you are seeing the results in your good choices and you will with each day to come..I feel the freedom in my soul right now as I could go out in the street and dance and it is 430 am..I have such relief that I'm not controlled anymore by a SICK man...NO more bad choice for me..I lived and learned..How about you??? Have a great day!!

Hi. I am also new to the site...I am in the same situation; not as bad as yours. I cried at your situation. You and your daughter never deserved that and I can't imagine your pain. My husband has chose to get help for his anger issues...if that's possible. If not, I am divorcing him and moving on. I told myself for years through the abuse that I was not "broken" but then the lies caught up. He is currently in jail now for D.V. My 17 year old son called the police on him. It has been a long hard road. We, as a family got to a point of no return. We had enough. And if he doesn't change...I am not going back. This will be his only chance. I had to separate myself mentally from him. You have to dig inside and find yourself. Because I understand that through all the abuse we lose ourselves completely to them. I found it to be normal for him to emotionally abuse me, call me vulgar names, flirt with other women right in front of me. Looking back, I was so weak. Because he kept me there. Through time, I realized that I was spending so much time in therapy to just to be able to be around him. It started making no sense to me. Teesa09, It sounds like he is still keeping you there as well. The hauntings are bad. Remember that you are an intelligent beautiful woman and all of the things that he put you through were his problems, not yours. Make a firm decision to let go. You are worth everything and everything worth it takes to love you. Someday, I know and believe that you will find peace, happiness and a new love that you deserve. Stay strong. Focus on getting your life back and your daughter's life. I wished we could erase those bad years/memories, but perhaps we can find ways to replace all those bad memories with good memories. One day at a time; because life is too short. Keep your head up and don't let a good true love walk into your life and you miss it.

Michelle307~ Sorry to hear you story ..There are so many out there it is sad..There is hope and there is a better life waiting for anyone who wants it..I have been divorced for 8 years and it took me just about 4 years to recovery after he was gone to ever date again..I was messed up and the trail of abuse for 20 some years killed my family..I have 3 kids and to this day I miss them all..I'm finally slowly talking to my daughter and it has been 11 months since we have been together..last night we had time together and it just warmed my heart..We, should I say I shared and tried to explain why I was a mess...Why I cried so much and how I did the very best I could..I loved my kids to pieces and did everything for them and gave them the best but, me..I had nothing to offer as I was so sick..I could not even sit and talk to them as I never really knew how..Last night I did and by the Grace of God I'm going to rebuild a better than ever relationship with my daughter that will bring us a bond that will never break us apart again..We never stopped loving each other as we were close but, her and I were in~meshed from being in the Alcoholic home which anyone knows is not healthy..I just pray in time I will be back with the boys soon..That one is harder as the youngest struggle with additive behavior like his Dad and the oldest is so angry.. Anything is possible and I keep dreaming that one day my family will be back together better than ever and HEALTHY!! What a mess an ADDICT and ABUSIVE person can make of a home if we allow it..

teesa09~I found I only lived and learned the hard way and it has stunk...I had to find why I was doing what I was doing and why I was attracted to the men I was..It was all I knew..I was raised by a very sick man and a very sick home and that is all I knew..Sounds like a load of crap but, I was my truth..It was all I knew and to my core I had to find a way to fix it..Find a way to find value on my and change my way of thinking and the people I was around..I took may years alone at I mentioned above and worked on me.It worked and when I went out and in time I met the most amazing man that treated me like gold..He was so sweet and kind I was in love..We dated for 2 1/2 year until I broke things off as he could not commit to me and that was hard for me but, I needed more in my life and he knew he had a problem from his childhood and he was not being far to me..For once someone was not blaming me and putting there problems on me..For once someone was putting me on top..It was a hard loss and then I had a man that I knew that moved back into town that I thought was healthy and wanted to date me and I did way to soon after the love of my life..I know now I wanted to replace him and I wanted him back and because I was not ready and on top of my game I let a sick man back into my life..I paid the price and for that I lived and learned once again..You see my intuition told me not to go out with this man and I did as I saw the other man in him and wanted that back so bad..Our intuition is with us to guide us and serve us and I let myself down..I paid that price dearly not only mentally but, financially..