What To Do

When a person get hurt again and again, it will take time to heal and to trust. This site has professional therapists, you should call and talk to them about the situation, they will guide you and help you. Have faith, say a prayer and everything will change for the better. God bless you.

I am so glad that you came here. My ex and I went through a similar situation, and in reality are in some ways still going through it even though we are no longer together. Our relationship suffered so much because of his alcoholism and anger issues that at one point I thought it would never recover. I understand what it feels like to loose patience with a situation or a person, especially when we feel guilty about our behavior. You realize that you need to change and part of you feels like the effort you have already put in should equal redemption in the other persons eyes. The fact that you are trying somehow feels like it should be enough because you are not fully capable of owning what you have done. The simple fact remains that when someone is severely damaged by a relationship they are going to take time to heal. That time is fundamental to their well being because they want things to be better just as much, if not more, than you do. There are days when I feel completely over the past and I feel capable with taking on anything. On other days one singular event reminds me of that one time he pushed me into the table in front of a crowded room, which then reminds me of that other time he said this or did that. Suddenly, I am brought back to the pain of each of those moments, and the cumulative pain of them compounded. At that moment I need the most compassion and kindness. I need to know that my feelings are valid and that my pain is acknowledged. He might feel like I am throwing the past in his face, but really I am releasing the toxic feelings that have poisoned my well being. I cannot say with any certainty when these feelings will go, or if they ever will completely. All I can say is that it is going to take amazing patience and empathy on your part to try to deal with something you created, but have not and probably will not ever be able to relate to. You created this would and if you cannot take the steps, however painful they may be, to restore some hope of balance in your relationship I think you should move on. I hope my complete honesty is not too much for you. I believe things can be repaired if the right actions are taken. Kindness and compassion are your tools, utilize them.
S