How do we forget?

I think I takes time to learn to trust again. I was in an abusive marriage and thankfully, I had the strength to leave, however, it took a few years to even begin to trust again.
About 5 years after my divorce, I did get married again and even though we are best friends and I have never felt threatend in any way, If i see any violence, I still have nightmares after 25 years. My husband has supported me through all the nightmares and chronic pain resulting from physical abuse.
We talk about it and I see a therapist specializing in chronic pain. My pain clinic requires all patients to see a therapist every visit. I think that between reading, joining this site and prayer, I have been able to get through the hard times.
You have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you have a right to be treated with respect and loved. Do not settle for anything less.

Its been over 12 years since the divorce, but he continued the abuse long after that. I have lost self confidence, self esteem and trust. I always feel put down. If I did something I'm proud of someone points out what is wrong with it, even is its meant as constructed criticism, I feel bad about myself. This way of thinking is ruining relationships. I feel like I'm damaged goods, and no one wants to take the time to help me overcome these feelings, they just walk away from me because I'm not worth the time or effort. I hear I love you, but I guess it is not enough to stand by me and help me. I fear I will always be alone because of the way men have treated me in my past. I don't know what or how to change this.

Dear believe_in_me: I know what you mean! I made the mistake of venting to my Dad about how my emotionally abusive soon-to-ex is now a devout church-goer, excersizing all the time, super helpful at work(we worked together so he could tell me what a kiss-ass and failure I was for helping others all day,he's taking our kids to all sort of cool places(we were not allowed to have anyone at our house, nor go anywhere without him getting withdrawn and disapproving. So I was angry, my Dad tells me he feels bad for him and he is not the right person to complain to. I should take the road, and be nice. REALLY? So, when someone tells you to stand up for yourself and be true to who you are, I guess they mean with someone else? Emotional abuse is sneaky and takes a long time, it would be really nice to be allowed time to recover from it. I am really glad I found this site. Keep on slogging through the crap, that's what I try to do.

Abuse does reprogram our minds. It is just one of the many survival strategies and coping mechanisms that we have. We are warped into believing that not trusting anyone and withdrawing from society or friends makes us safe.
Once the damage is done we are indeed easy targets if we don't change our thinking drastically. The first step is to acknowledge that you are worth a whole lot more than how you have been treated.
Everyone needs, wants and deserves credit for their successes, work and who they are as a person.
You are divorced now (congratulations!) and have the chance to regain your life.
You don't need more unsupportive people in your life telling you to "just get over it" like your Dad does. If he says he is not the right person to talk to about your ex-husband don't even think about it twice. Whatever relationship you choose to have with him he is obviously not interested in validating your feelings and helping you in this time of need. So move on! To people who do care and understand what you have gone through and are willing to listen. These might be old or new friends or other family members.
Coming here is a good start as well!
The brainwash can be reversed, there are self-help books, therapy and groups of other women who have survived abuse that might help!
Best of wishes.