bad day

As for your mom and you ask her where she was with God at your age. And that if there is a God, and if he made you then he surely loves you right where you are. If he died for you on the cross, then he understands pain and how it might cause one to question much. As for the rape, yes you were raped. It's called sagatory-look it up. You have been traumatized by an A-hole. Dont let him continue to do it in your head. Say it out loud and in your head several times a day,,,you no longer have the right too make me feel like something I am not. You ARE a creation. Beautifully made. And your God knows your heart, your thoughts. And he does love what he has made. Dont let anyome take that reality away from you. Hope this has helped. God bless.

yes rito i agree with ethes, she is right on. God loves you where you are at right now. part of being human is searching and questing and figuring. your mom needs to see that and be gentle and understanding about your feelings and thoughts right now. now not push something down you. there is religion and there is spirituality. your spirituality is a God given gift that nobody can mess with or should not mess with let me say and i am sorry if mom is messing with yours and using religion as a reason. religion is a funny thing it can support our spirit or not. i won;t get into that here. but your spirit naturally craves the Higher Power and you will come to that on your own if no one interferes. part of knowing is searching and finding.

as for the rape, yes it was rape and because you submitted doesn't make it less of a rape. so there! you did what you had to do to survive it at the time. your defenses protected you. and i agree try not to let him revictimize you in your brain again and again by thinking about it and criticizing how you handled it. you survived! that is the main thing.

this is all part of your healing process and my heart goes out to you and i am glad you reached out for reassurance and i hope you received some help here. i care about you a lot and feel drawn to you. you are an amazing survivor. very articulate and strong woman. all my best, maria

I just don't think it was rape. I mean, at times I feel like it was, but I'm pretty certain that's just me projecting paranoia & daddy issues onto the rest of the world. I mean, he didn't... He's not that kind of guy. And he really was into me. Still is - but I left him. And the first few times I stopped him. But every time he just sort of led up to it and eventually I didn't say no, and that's my fault, and it's not rape.

rito , my dear weren't you underage at the time and him being older, i know people pooh pooh this kind of thing but that why we have the term statutory rape i believe. part;y because it makes a young person in a bad position having to say no to an unbelievably impossible situation. you said no, he persisted. how much of a "rape" do you want? good thing it was't worse in my book. but then i see you do this. it is sexual harrassment at work (it is) you say it isn't. you minimizing will protect you until you are ready to deal with these men crossing your boundaries. ever how small you want to make it. it is like being pregnant. you can't be a little pregnant. oh so i was raped a little? that man crossed your boundaries big time, thats called rape, wrapped up in pink cotten, because you eventually submitted and he still likes you? i don't agree, not for me. but then you are not looking for me to agree with you are you? or are you? or are you trying to convince yourself? rape is defined as sexual intercourse with a woman also by deception. what do you call what he did? or defined as an unlawful violation. what do you think?

I don't know. I'm just so confused. I mean, I go a few days without seeing him, and I see all these things he posts on Facebook about how hurt he is, and how this is all his fault, and he's not good enough, and immediately I feel obligated to make him feel better, and I want to do that. But I'll be up all night thinking about it. What I did, what I should have done, what I could have done, what I didn't do. And after awhile, I've convinced myself that it's rape. But then I'll see him (we still work together) and I get so mad at myself for even considering the word to apply.

I don't know what I think. I don't know what it was. I just don't know. I know that sometimes I just... it gets stuck in my head and I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and I'm hardly able to talk or listen because it's all I can think about, like the other day at work and yesterday with my mom and today with some friends at school. But I also know that he's the guy who promised to never hurt me, that he cared so much about me.

And I know he's dealt with so much in his life, he's had such a hard time. And if I ever even implied that I've wondered the slightest bit if it was anything approaching rape, he'd probably commit suicide. And I'm not exaggerating.

I know that even though the first few times it happened - and some of the others - I didn't want to, and he did, and I just didn't say no. But there were other times when I initiated things. (Although, that was generally because he would be in a bad mood or upset and I wanted him to... be happy, because then life as better for everyone.)

And he's a good person. And yeah, he is a lot older. I'm a minor, but I think in my state you have to be sixteen or younger for it to be considered statutory rape nd I'm seventeen. He is a lot older though. That was a big thing of it... It'sthe kind of relationship he's used to...

I don't know. I'm just so confused about the whole thing...

it doesn;t sound like this is a healthy thing for you and i would put this out of your mind thoughts and feelings. stay away from him he doesn't sound to me to be a respectful of your boundaries and no's. but that's just my opinion. i will continue to pray for you on this matter in the meantime i strongly recommend that you cease giving this any more energy at all. sincerely, with all my best, maria